So why is it that when I don't exercise I feel like crap, I don't want to do anything but sleep, I am short tempered with my kids, work seems just too hard to handle everyone's petty problems and I eat shit I don't really want. I know I will feel better for getting up off my arse, I always do so why this self sabotage? The actual fact that I know I do this is even more frustrating, playing on my mind. Each time I tell myself its OK get up and go tomorrow, I do and feel great again. Am I depressed?
Having these ups and downs is normal is it not? I mean I speak to other women who have similar feelings and struggle day to day with these feelings. I don't want to come across being hard on myself nor whining about my life. Seriously I do believe we have a choice, that I have a choice in what I do, however I have to remind myself I'm not perfect.
Starting back with the program again it really does feel like I'm back at square one. I have lost weight on the scales yes this is true and I worked hard for it, but working through the pre seasons tasks made me realise I have so far to go. Not on the scales but in my H E A D ! My mental state is broken, there is doubt, not about the fact that I can do it, I know I can. The doubt is that I can't do it by myself, on my own two feet. Its a fallback so secretly if I do fail I have something else to blame but myself. Does this sound similar to what you have gone through or going through? How do I combat this and when will I start to feel I'm on the right path?
Today everything went wrong, I didn't go to the gym haven't been in several days. I sat on the couch all day yesterday and watched movies, my boy kept turning off the TV just to get my attention. Now I'm crying about the fact this happened and feel like a poor excuse for a mother. So today I cleaned the house, washed the clothes, organised and sorted out everyone's bedrooms and picked up my little boy who made me laugh. I laughed because this morning I had to clean up his poop that was from one end of the cot to the other. You see what I'm saying now EVERYTHING went wrong!
Sometimes I just have to step away from all this and remind myself how lucky I really am. Honestly I live comfortably, I've no money problems have all the things I want, not need but want. Now don't take this the wrong way, I am not rich not by far, more money will always be helpful. I'm just saying we do not struggle. I just bought myself a fitbit flex and the fancy wifi scales that come along with it. I didn't need this I wanted it. I bought it for myself so that I can see my results, so its easier for me to track my weight and activity. It even tracks my sleeping patterns. I must say its impressive and I set it all up today. So why is today such a "horrible" day? I have a $250 toy to play with. It just is, and it turns out I'm sick! High temps, stomach cramps, sweaty! No wonder I'm feeling horrible.
Life can be so busy sometimes and so full of putting my energy into my 3 children, my partner, choirs around the house, work, the gym and anything else life throws at me, that sometimes I forget to look after the most important cog in this ..... me. Maybe if I take time out for myself I wouldn't feel so depleted of life, and actually be happy. I see going to the gym as my time, and that it is but its not down time is it. Maybe I need time away from all this, time to escape and let my mind, body and soul relax. Yes that is what I need.
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