Where's the Answers?

Lately I have been torn between working out with friends in gym classes and doing workouts that I know are going to benefit my body. Not that the classes don't benefit me they do I feel the need to step it up so to speak. Change my routine. 

 

So I've been doing both classes of the morning and other workouts in the afternoon.  I have been so active that this is what my usual day is like acording to by fitbit. A huge achievement for myself but am I doing more good than harm? 

I have recently read up on some info that I'm sure many of you would find interesting. I am learning about how my body reacts to certain exercises, what is mindless exercise and how to change damaging cycles. 

That right there is a statement to be proud of and the reason why I have got so far. I'm not about to tell you how to loose weight, what to do at the gym or what to eat, because I don't know all the answers. I am learning and progressing because I don't just want to loose weight. I want to learn how to become the best person I can be. To be a great role model for my children and to my friends. To not be hypocritical of the things I say compared with what I do. I want to know how my body is loosing fat stores and how it's gaining muscle. What type of muscle fibres I am building and loosing according to what exercise I am doing. All this and more I want to know. 

I push myself to the limits so often and still wonder why my belly fat is not moving. I'm loosing it everywhere else but the place I'm so longing to be rid of. It wasn't until I recently read an article by a man I've been following for quite some time now. His name is Alex and he has something that I want to share with you all because I believe it to be great information.  The answers I have been seeking where here and some things have been put into perspective for me.  You can download his booklet and workout for yourself. Check out the Facebook page by clicking on the link below to download his stuff it's free and some great motivation. 

https://www.facebook.com/alexbodyrevolution

I'm not going to tell you what the info is you'll have to find that one out yourself. What I can tell you is that it has helped me to answer a few of those hard to ask questions, and to direct me to where I need to go next. 

Just when I think I've got it I get lost agiain. This seems to be pattern that repeats often. I rejoined 12wbt because of this, go to more PT classes at the gym because of this and read through miles of information looking for the answers. 

Amazing Support Network

No one was more shocked than myself when I put together a picture from when I first started this journey till now.  WOW! A friend said "when you see a person every day you don't notice the little changes" this applies to myself too. I look at myself everyday in the mirror and do not realise how far I've come. It's amazing to see the physical change in a picture, and smile because of it. 

The support I've received from people at my gym, friends on Facebook and family has been incredible. To think I have been so hard on myself when I'm doing well. Actually more than just well I'm smashing it. (Just saying humbly) I doubted myself that I couldn't do it by myself. I sabotaged myself from the very start when I didn't sign up for round 3. However looking at my progress photo I did do it. I admit I didn't loose any weight on the scales but I have more muscle definition. Being so lost is a horrible feeling. I think not setting any goals and knowing where I was going was the whole problem. 

This round my sister has joined in too. Which is fantastic as I have someone to work through it with, and who better than my own sister.  Jade has been my main motivator from the start, I have the top on that we bought together back in December last year. It's way too big on me now but I continue to wear it, because it reminds me to keep going.  

Outback Adventures

After yesterday I have decided to concentrate on the positives in my life, because they are so much better than doom and gloom.  Recently my family and I have travelled through Australia or parts of for 6 weeks.  Three kids and my partner in a Land cruiser confined to the small space of our seats and camping in a tent, was magical.  Others may not agree but we really enjoyed ourselves.  The kids kept a journal over the weeks, below is a map from their book of the route we drove .

Over 10,000km together and we experienced life itself.  Now who wouldn't be a on a high after coming back from such a fantastic trip.  Coming from the most incredible places back to the chores of life, I can see why I would have plummeted into the abyss.  Highs and lows isn't that what it's all about, riding the highs and how we deal with the lows.  I was meant to travel.  This map will one day have many lines and colours on it, of the places we've been and the roads we've explored.



Devils Marbles "Karlu Karlu" 2013

Long that yellow line we had an adventure that my children will remember for a long time, that I will cherish for years to come.  We trekked gorges, climbed mountains, found interesting objects and bones, camped underground, met possums and bats, walked through caves, found aliens, watched whales, seen one of the wonders of the world, walked high above rainforests, found dinosaurs, marvelled at glow worms, went rock climbing, found secret waterfalls, canoed, rode horses and best of all spent time with our family.

We had a family reunion to attend along the way it was great to see everyone, but honestly these people I call family many of them are strangers.  Our family is spread far and wide and I am not really close to any that is not in my immediate family.  I don't know their children, their new wives or husbands, for most even where they live.  I met people for the first time, seen people I hadn't seen in many years, and sat back and watched from a distance while people mingled. I felt as though I didn't know anyone, and that was true in many ways I didn't.  Just as they didn't know me and who my children were. Yeah sure people knew our names and that we were family, but they didn't know who I was what makes me the person I am.  My life's story, and that's ok because its only the people closest to us that we let in, show the true person we are.  Its the people closest to us that accept us for all the good and bad, for the demons.  Its the people who give us unconditional love that really know the truth.  Which brings me to the one person in this world that fits the bill, my sister.

 

My whole fitness journey started from the moment I seen my beautiful sister back in December 2012. 



She inspired me back then and continues to inspire me now.  I love her dearly and wished that we lived closer to each other, I'm yet to find a friend like her.  I must say the high light of out trip was hiking through Lawn Hill Gorge with my sister.  We had been quite lazy while camping and hadn't done much in terms of exercise, I even allowed myself to consume the odd ice cream.  Which if any of you know is a real treat whilst on a weight loss journey.  We walked 7km through the gorge up to the lookout.  The boys and the kids canoed through the gorge.

This is us looking down on them from the lookout

 Here are some more pictures of our amazing adventure.



 





 



Blogging Is Better Than Any Psychologist

So why is it that when I don't exercise I feel like crap, I don't want to do anything but sleep, I am short tempered with my kids, work seems just too hard to handle everyone's petty problems and I eat shit I don't really want. I know I will feel better for getting up off my arse, I always do so why this self sabotage? The actual fact that I know I do this is even more frustrating, playing on my mind.  Each time I tell myself its OK get up and go tomorrow, I do and feel great again.  Am I depressed?

Having these ups and downs is normal is it not? I mean I speak to other women who have similar feelings and struggle day to day with these feelings.  I don't want to come across being hard on myself nor whining about my life.  Seriously I do believe we have a choice, that I have a choice in what I do, however I have to remind myself I'm not perfect. 

Starting back with the program again it really does feel like I'm back at square one.  I have lost weight on the scales yes this is true and I worked hard for it, but working through the pre seasons tasks made me realise I have so far to go.  Not on the scales but in my H E A D ! My mental state is broken, there is doubt, not about the fact that I can do it, I know I can.  The doubt is that I can't do it by myself, on my own two feet.  Its a fallback so secretly if I do fail I have something else to blame but myself. Does this sound similar to what you have gone through or going through?  How do I combat this and when will I start to feel I'm on the right path?

Today everything went wrong, I didn't go to the gym haven't been in several days. I sat on the couch all day yesterday and watched movies, my boy kept turning off the TV just to get my attention.  Now I'm crying about the fact this happened and feel like a poor excuse for a mother. So today I cleaned the house, washed the clothes, organised and sorted out everyone's bedrooms and picked up my little boy who made me laugh.  I laughed because this morning I had to clean up his poop that was from one end of the cot to the other. You see what I'm saying now EVERYTHING went wrong!  

Sometimes I just have to step away from all this and remind myself how lucky I really am.  Honestly I live comfortably, I've no money problems have all the things I want, not need but want.  Now don't take this the wrong way, I am not rich not by far, more money will always be helpful.  I'm just saying we do not struggle. I just bought myself a fitbit flex and the fancy wifi scales that come along with it.  I didn't need this I wanted it. I bought it for myself so that I can see my results, so its easier for me to track my weight and activity.  It even tracks my sleeping patterns.  I must say its impressive and I set it all up today.  So why is today such a "horrible" day?  I have a $250 toy to play with.  It just is, and it turns out I'm sick!  High temps, stomach cramps, sweaty!  No wonder I'm feeling horrible.  

Life can be so busy sometimes and so full of putting my energy into my 3 children, my partner, choirs around the house, work, the gym and anything else life throws at me, that sometimes I forget to look after the most important cog in this ..... me.  Maybe if I take time out for myself I wouldn't feel so depleted of life, and actually be happy.  I see going to the gym as my time, and that it is but its not down time is it.  Maybe I need time away from all this, time to escape and let my mind, body and soul relax.  Yes that is what I need.  

Breaking Bad

My daily struggles are becoming well lets just say that nothing is easier. The way I feel about myself and my confidence has increased out of site., this is true however this doesn't make it any easier dealing with my demons. They are still there and will always be there I'd say. To just keep pushing on with what I'm doing I'm burnt out. My fitness level has increased to a point where things are physically easier to do, but mentally I'm beat. Why is this?

I have increased the calorie intake in the last week, as my energy levels are depleted, and guess what I didn't loose any weight! This made me feel worthless really, even though everyone told me how great I am looking.  I keep on reading it's not how far you have to go its how far you've come that matters. Well I see this change as the rest of my life so I'm not really looking at how far I have to go.
Reading through my blog has actually answered my question of why I have no energy? It's sleep or lack there of. I survive on 5-6 hours sleep a night. I have days where I "catch up" but you never really catch up on sleep do you.



I have sacrificed so much already to change my lifestyle for myself, and my family as it effects them too. I don't know how they could bare having a cranky mum all the time or a partner who never said she was happy.  I work a dead end job just for the money and as much as I try to take my work hat off at the door sometimes the stresses follows me home. Omg listen to me whine whine blah blah live life every second of the day! Yes well I am but the thing is I have honestly been this way for 10 years and breaking bad habits is hard.

A friend asked me the other day why I stopped blogging I didn't really have an answer for her I just stopped? It  has been months since I've visited this blog and reading these last few paragraphs now I know why I stopped blogging. It was all too much I was so very depressed. I mean who would have thought that exercise is linked to all this. The person I was at the start of this year is not the person sitting here typing away now. I have a smile on my face and generally happy about myself. I still struggle with loosing weight, I just know I will get there is all. I have a wardrobe of clothes that don't fit me, and you know at the Beginning that's what I thought mattered. Loosing all this weight to fit I to the "sale item" clothes you know to be like everyone else, to be accepted. No that's far from it isn't it, that's not even close.

This journey has been tough, and continues to be a struggle every day. I choose to be happy, I have chosen to take care of myself, put my health needs above the proverbial size 8. I started this blog to admit to myself that I had to change, and not only admit it but tell the world the truth. By telling everyone I was admitting that I had a to change. There was a lot of backlash from this, from people in my life "you're being too public" "you have more problems than you think" there are some people out there that love to see you fail. That thrive off your shitty existence of a life. These people sucked the life out of me and "nursed" my complaints and moods.

Moving into a new chapter of my life has been spiritually rewarding. Surrounding myself with people who are trying to better their lives, and health for what ever reason, has been the best thing I could have done. These people get it they want to eat healthy, they want to work and sweat till they are done. They don't complain and they just do it!  I have met so many positive happy people, I am too one of these positive happy people, and I love what I am doing.


Yesterday we had both the cars booked into the mechanics, don't ask why both at the same time lack of organisation is all I will say. However this put me into a bit of predicament, I either used this as an excuse and stayed home for the day and no gym or I went. So I got on my bike with the baby trailer in tow and rode 8.7km to the gym for the 'bodysmasher' class. Heck I did it and yep I was stuffed but boy I felt better for it. So today I rewarded myself, not with food but with a trip to the hair salon. I mean if you could see the smile on my face right now.

I am so proud of what I achieve everyday, I've stopped saying I can't and now I say yep I can give it a go I can do that.

 

This post is so complimenting to my last called the procrastinator! I have revisited this post for months now and continue to reflect on what I have written. Three months have now past and I haven't lost any more weight, but that's ok.  I know I want to loose more and I will.  Signing up to 12WBT for round 4 is probably a good choice for me because, I want to loose weight and I still need to learn how.