Easter Is More Than Chocolate

I would like to share with you something that I love love love!  More than anything else in this world.  The feeling I get when I make and create something and then share it with thousands of people is amazing.  I am talking about my business EcoArt Crafts.  I built this up from nothing and started with $1000 in my pocket.  Now I run annual events, have multiple programs running that are free for the community, volunteer my time and services for botanic garden workshops, entertain at birthday parties, school holiday programs, after school care workshops, and the list goes on. 

 

Today I ran a workshop at the Darwin Waterfront for Easter Saturday.  This morning it was raining so much I, and we were all soaked from head to toe.  However someone must of said the right prayer because the gods lifted the heavy clouds.  It turned out to be such a perfect day, not too hot, just right.  Very wet under foot but that was OK.  So the sun was out and so were the kids.  We had close to 1000 kids come through our workshop today, it was amazing!

Didn't the kids do just an amazing job on their Easter baskets?  I think they did.

Find us on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/ecoartcrafts

 

So just to add to this brilliant day, I achieved another successful workshop, found my sunglasses that have been missing for weeks, found my favourite head bands (that I just love) and I am absolutely stoked to tell you that I NEED to buy new work shirts because mine are just way too big now. YAY!

What a great day and I am waking up to Easter in the morning, excited! 

My Boobs Look Like Single Cheese Slices!

I am loosing weight on the scales which is a great thing, plus I have lost huge numbers in measurements too.  I am so happy about this BUT ..................

OK so this weeks mindset is entitled "Your body is perfect" Yes my body is working perfectly just as it should BUT ..................

I

Am

Scared

That

If

I

Loose

Weight

Too

Quick

I will have all this loose skin!

Seriously, I was a big girl.  I have lost a lot of elasticity in my skin from being pregnant, and doubling my body weight in just a few short months.  My tummy has an extra flap I could play tennis with and my boobs are starting to look like two cheese singles with raisins on top!  My tattoos are riddled with stretch marks, and one isn't even recognisable anymore.

 

I had cesarean sections for all three of my children, and when the nurse checked on my cut the day after surgery she was horrified to see bruising on my left side.  Not being able to move that well and with so much belly fat I couldn't see what she was talking about.  It didn't hurt but I was on that many pain killers, I don't think I could feel anything anyway. After a while of her poking and prodding the penny dropped. I said no that's just my tattoo or what left of it I think. She didn't believe me and said no that's a bruise. Convincingly I told her that it really was a tattoo, that used to be a blue rose, but now obviously is just a smudged blur.

Stretch marked smudged tattoos, flat saggy boobs, floppy tummy, what else do I have to feel "great" about the way I look?

But my body is perfect BUT it survived pregnancy and three Caesars, it survived the bad diet and no exercise.  It has now adapted to a healthier lifestyle, and survived fitbox classes and the gym. Working full time night shift and looking after children on minimal sleep.  Yes it's amazing all right, BUT ....................

Am I going to be happy with the way I look in the end?

 

 

Going to my fitness classes there are many different shapes and sizes that attend.  Everyone is there for the same reason, and there are some very fit people that go.  I noticed the girl I was partnered with today kept looking at herself in the mirror.  This was very distracting, the last thing I want to do is look into that mirror at my "perfect" body.  Now I'm not jealous or anything, I'm just there at those classes to work my ass off so that one day I can look into that mirror and be happy with what I see.  I'm not even sure if there is anything to be jealous about, I feel that these girls are not even happy with what they see.  To keep the focus after working a long night shift on minimal sleep, and drag my ass to the 9am class is something to be proud of right there.

 

What is it I am looking for?  Is it that perfect body, because really what constitutes perfect? 

 

Perfect is the three beautiful children I have.

Perfect is the way my partner looks at me like he doesn't even see what I see. 

Perfect are the scars I have from growing a baby or three. 

Perfect are the breast that fed my children and helped them grow.

Perfect is the smile from my newborn when I enter the room.

Perfect is the love I feel when my children hug me.
Perfect is waking up every morning with no worries in the world.
Perfect is nothing short of a miracle.

 

When it comes to the way I look, I'm not perfect because.......

 

Perfect is the enemy of good. 

 

This is a proverb meaning that insisting on perfection often results in no improvement at all.

 

 

A Chocolate Epipheony

So I have been following Annie192 and her blog Finding The Thin With Me after reading her post about chocolate, you can find it here;

http://thethinmewithinme.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/grapes-are-new-chocolate.html

I realised I am not alone in this fight of addiction, and there are probably many women out there with similar stories. 

My Blog is entitled Neurotic and Overweight which describes me down to a tee! I recently read an article that talks about a study identifying, if and how certain personality traits might affect weight and body mass index (BMI).  This new study suggests that certain personality traits such as neuroticism, impulsivity and aggressiveness may increase the likelihood that an individual will struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

Oh my this is me I lack the discipline to stay on track, and give into temptation.  Oooops! So apparently other traits associated with greater weight gain over time included risk taking and being antagonistic, cynical, competitive and aggressive individuals were also more likely to be overweight. Oh dear what chance do I have then?

You know I believe that this is not the be all and end all of the journey.  The mindset lessons that Michelle brings with the 12WBT are priceless.  Can they be that good? I hear you say.  The answer is YES.  Understanding the person I am and identifying these traits is the first step towards success.  When I watch her videos it's like she knows exactly whats going on in that moment of my life.  This leads me to one thing, if she is bang on topic with everyone around Australia watching, thinking the same thing, then everyone around Australia is finding the same difficulties as I am. 

WE ARE NOT ALONE!

So how am I dealing with this new information?  I know that I am this person it explains the last 10 years with my weight going up and down, plus I never finish anything. ANYTHING!! Really I don't, I studied and didn't finish the course, actually several courses.  I have half finished art projects all over the house, and starting new ones everyday.  The only things I have really completed to the end was eating!  Seriously I would finish a whole block of chocolate, that definatly would be half eaten in the fridge.  Also tubs of icecream, anything you name it food food food I would definatley finish food.  How have I said enough is enough?

How have I got to this point where I am loosing weight, saying no to food I know is not good for me in huge proportions?  How come I look at chocolate now and just see caleries?  Why if I miss a workout I feel flat and larthagic, however if I feel tired before my workout I leave feeling like I could climb a mountain? 

Yes its good nutition and exercise, I must admit.  I said in earlier posts that its 90% diet 10% exercise, but I truley believe that its 100% a postive thought process.

I See You Baby Touchn' That Grass!

The most amazing thing about this new lifestyle is the change I am seeing in my family.  My daughter is looking healthier and her hair is so shiny and gorgeous!  My partner is also loosing weight and our communication has improved.  My sons well the 4 year old he doesn't really go much on the food at all, I don't think he has had a decent dinner for weeks.  He just refuses to eat it little bugger if its not meat he wont eat! Then there is my ray of hope little baby boy, he has had a taste of everything so far, I can only hope his pallet is expanding further than meat.

 

This morning I realised a very important and most horrible fact, that to date never occurred to me as an issue.  However this really is terrible and it saddens me to admit it, because I would like to say that I am the type of mother that exposes her children to the elements.  I am all for outdoors, art and crafts and active play.  My children choose to play outside which I love. 

Fact No. 1

My 8 month old baby boy has never touched grass!

 

 

Mixing it up this morning I met a newly found friend at the park for some boxing and exercises.  In my usual fashion I was late, so I arrived to find this incredibly focused woman utilising the benches with step ups.  This lady has been my partner in Fitbox classes, it is great to have someone so focused and inspirational.  So today in my favourite park with the grass hills, you know the ones - the hills I ran up a while back thinking they looked impossible.  Yeah well now I run up and down them and I love it!  Being late and all my partner had to leave, so I continued on finishing my hour.  My son was playing on a picnic blanket with his toys in the shade having a ball.  I joined him in the shade and started skipping. 

 

Have any of you ever skipped before?  It is the best exercise I have started for myself, I have been running but find it hard on my knees since I am 100kg.  Skipping is the go, give it a try.

 

So there I was skipping away and my son started to crawl towards me, he placed one hand down on the grass and whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

 

 

Oh man it was like someone had stuck him with a hot poker, he lifted his hand looked at it, looked at me and tried again.  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

Oh poor bubba it had dawned on me that the poor kid had never been on the grass.  Oh dear what have I done, Ive kept this kid locked away.  He was not happy at all.  Then I saw it, the thing I have been nurturing inside me for some time now, the thing that keeps me going DETERMINATION. He cried and crawled over the grass to me, I could see that every time his hand or his foot felt that grass that he was frustrated.  I got down on my hand and knees and praised him for his efforts.  WELL DONE.

 

Fact No. 2

I NEVER went outside myself, little lone played on grass with my kids while being overweight.

 

How have I become this person?  I grew up in the country, played lots of sport, outdoors all the time.  I love camping, fishing, hiking.  What went so wrong?  Did I stop all of this because I am overweight? Its so much more than just being overweight or should I say obese! No one likes to think they are mentally screwed up, but I am here to admit it.  Yes its a negative thought process, feeling crapy and unworthy. So everything else follows, the self sabotage, emotional eating, depression. 

 

I quit smoking 5 years ago now, and its the best thing I have ever done for myself.  Do you want to know the next best thing I have done for myself lately?

 

EXERCISE!

 

 

While enjoying some down time today I read this;

 

You must first have a good relationship with yourself

before you can have a good relationship with others.

You will never find YOUR happiness

anywhere but within yourself.

Sugar is Killing Us

When You Were Fat.........

So it's been a while since I last put thought to paper as I have been working my little Tushie off! For the first time in a while I feel better about myself, so much so that I took the time and effort to put something on that made me feel great. To my amazement when my partner came home he complimented me on how nice I looked, I can't begin to describe to you how this made me feel.

Amazing! 

So last night at work I had a customer tell me how great I was looking that I even look younger. Wow! "Thank you" I said.  This person kept up with the compliments until she talked her way out of them. You know how people do that, compliment you so much that its turns into insult.  I know she meant well but gee!  So here goes after the looking younger this followed with "yeah I think when you were fat you looked unhappy, like you know unapproachable.  I always thought you were a bit of a snob, no that's not what I mean you know what I mean educated.  Yeah when you were fat you looked a bit bull-doggish! But you look much better now!"

Thank you I think? I know she meant well and was trying to tell me a good thing but it makes me wonder if I was that transparent.  Yes I am unhappy, and unhealthy and people could see this, not only could this particular person see this, but felt that I wasn't a nice person because of it.  Wow! No wonder I don't know who I am.

Now My Gym Clothes Just Stink!

Now I am going to back track a bit. When I actually conceived the thought of exercise, and it was a tiny seed at this stage, I honestly didn't have anything to wear. I remember going on my first walk in a pair of shorts and top I was so uncomfortable. This wasn't going to work so off I went shopping. Now I love shopping what woman doesn't? But this time I was out of my comfort zone and shopping in uncharted waters. What do I buy? Ahh the faithful sale racks and to my surprise the first item I put my hand on was size 20 score!! Yes there was all my sizes alright! So I bought myself the appropriate attire, I was ready. Wrong!

Dear me the pants I chose rode up the inside of my legs so high, I was worried everyone could see well everything. The tops were not long enough to cover my belly and they showed all my lumps and bumps. Come on aren't I meant to feel good about what I'm doing? I looked ridiculous!

So off I went shopping again.

I had to get them, you know the ones, the tight stain looking gym pants. I cringed at the thought of wearing these, but the chaffing I had on my thighs screamed at me to buy them. Plus I found some extra long singlets to go under the shirts, in some nice bright colours. I've done it.

So going out in my new smokn' hot gym gear ...... Ummmm yeah. Oh no how am I going to go out in this? Thank god I joined curves and not the gym with the muscle. These clothes were so tight I was confronted with my bulging belly and wobbly bits. I developed this workout style where I just looked down at the ground. I couldn't even look up I was so embarrassed about the way I looked.

No one told me that gym clothes would be so addictive. I wanted to buy more even though I looked terrible. This was unknown to me why did I want to buy more? I was starting to feel the pressure to look a certain way. It's crazy really I wanted to look good, and was prepared to go on a spending spree! It's wasn't the shopping, buying more clothes, that was going to do this. What was I thinking?

It's been 5 weeks now and I'm still wearing the same clothes. I didn't go shopping and buy more, I would like to say I came to my senses, but really I had no money! I look fat because I am fat! I spent so many years telling myself I'm not fat, when I looked at my reflection I was shocked! So do these gym clothes make me look fat? Yes, and I can't wait for the day they are too big.

Start of my journey weighing 160.9kg

 

 

Lost 4.9kg to date

 

So this I entry I wrote weeks ago now, it has been a page in this blog.  At the time I thought it warranted a page but am now making it into a post.  Just to show what progress I have made I have the exact same clothes on in the pictures.  What a difference, unbelievable!