Amazing Support Network

No one was more shocked than myself when I put together a picture from when I first started this journey till now.  WOW! A friend said "when you see a person every day you don't notice the little changes" this applies to myself too. I look at myself everyday in the mirror and do not realise how far I've come. It's amazing to see the physical change in a picture, and smile because of it. 

The support I've received from people at my gym, friends on Facebook and family has been incredible. To think I have been so hard on myself when I'm doing well. Actually more than just well I'm smashing it. (Just saying humbly) I doubted myself that I couldn't do it by myself. I sabotaged myself from the very start when I didn't sign up for round 3. However looking at my progress photo I did do it. I admit I didn't loose any weight on the scales but I have more muscle definition. Being so lost is a horrible feeling. I think not setting any goals and knowing where I was going was the whole problem. 

This round my sister has joined in too. Which is fantastic as I have someone to work through it with, and who better than my own sister.  Jade has been my main motivator from the start, I have the top on that we bought together back in December last year. It's way too big on me now but I continue to wear it, because it reminds me to keep going.  

Outback Adventures

After yesterday I have decided to concentrate on the positives in my life, because they are so much better than doom and gloom.  Recently my family and I have travelled through Australia or parts of for 6 weeks.  Three kids and my partner in a Land cruiser confined to the small space of our seats and camping in a tent, was magical.  Others may not agree but we really enjoyed ourselves.  The kids kept a journal over the weeks, below is a map from their book of the route we drove .

Over 10,000km together and we experienced life itself.  Now who wouldn't be a on a high after coming back from such a fantastic trip.  Coming from the most incredible places back to the chores of life, I can see why I would have plummeted into the abyss.  Highs and lows isn't that what it's all about, riding the highs and how we deal with the lows.  I was meant to travel.  This map will one day have many lines and colours on it, of the places we've been and the roads we've explored.



Devils Marbles "Karlu Karlu" 2013

Long that yellow line we had an adventure that my children will remember for a long time, that I will cherish for years to come.  We trekked gorges, climbed mountains, found interesting objects and bones, camped underground, met possums and bats, walked through caves, found aliens, watched whales, seen one of the wonders of the world, walked high above rainforests, found dinosaurs, marvelled at glow worms, went rock climbing, found secret waterfalls, canoed, rode horses and best of all spent time with our family.

We had a family reunion to attend along the way it was great to see everyone, but honestly these people I call family many of them are strangers.  Our family is spread far and wide and I am not really close to any that is not in my immediate family.  I don't know their children, their new wives or husbands, for most even where they live.  I met people for the first time, seen people I hadn't seen in many years, and sat back and watched from a distance while people mingled. I felt as though I didn't know anyone, and that was true in many ways I didn't.  Just as they didn't know me and who my children were. Yeah sure people knew our names and that we were family, but they didn't know who I was what makes me the person I am.  My life's story, and that's ok because its only the people closest to us that we let in, show the true person we are.  Its the people closest to us that accept us for all the good and bad, for the demons.  Its the people who give us unconditional love that really know the truth.  Which brings me to the one person in this world that fits the bill, my sister.

 

My whole fitness journey started from the moment I seen my beautiful sister back in December 2012. 



She inspired me back then and continues to inspire me now.  I love her dearly and wished that we lived closer to each other, I'm yet to find a friend like her.  I must say the high light of out trip was hiking through Lawn Hill Gorge with my sister.  We had been quite lazy while camping and hadn't done much in terms of exercise, I even allowed myself to consume the odd ice cream.  Which if any of you know is a real treat whilst on a weight loss journey.  We walked 7km through the gorge up to the lookout.  The boys and the kids canoed through the gorge.

This is us looking down on them from the lookout

 Here are some more pictures of our amazing adventure.



 





 



Blogging Is Better Than Any Psychologist

So why is it that when I don't exercise I feel like crap, I don't want to do anything but sleep, I am short tempered with my kids, work seems just too hard to handle everyone's petty problems and I eat shit I don't really want. I know I will feel better for getting up off my arse, I always do so why this self sabotage? The actual fact that I know I do this is even more frustrating, playing on my mind.  Each time I tell myself its OK get up and go tomorrow, I do and feel great again.  Am I depressed?

Having these ups and downs is normal is it not? I mean I speak to other women who have similar feelings and struggle day to day with these feelings.  I don't want to come across being hard on myself nor whining about my life.  Seriously I do believe we have a choice, that I have a choice in what I do, however I have to remind myself I'm not perfect. 

Starting back with the program again it really does feel like I'm back at square one.  I have lost weight on the scales yes this is true and I worked hard for it, but working through the pre seasons tasks made me realise I have so far to go.  Not on the scales but in my H E A D ! My mental state is broken, there is doubt, not about the fact that I can do it, I know I can.  The doubt is that I can't do it by myself, on my own two feet.  Its a fallback so secretly if I do fail I have something else to blame but myself. Does this sound similar to what you have gone through or going through?  How do I combat this and when will I start to feel I'm on the right path?

Today everything went wrong, I didn't go to the gym haven't been in several days. I sat on the couch all day yesterday and watched movies, my boy kept turning off the TV just to get my attention.  Now I'm crying about the fact this happened and feel like a poor excuse for a mother. So today I cleaned the house, washed the clothes, organised and sorted out everyone's bedrooms and picked up my little boy who made me laugh.  I laughed because this morning I had to clean up his poop that was from one end of the cot to the other. You see what I'm saying now EVERYTHING went wrong!  

Sometimes I just have to step away from all this and remind myself how lucky I really am.  Honestly I live comfortably, I've no money problems have all the things I want, not need but want.  Now don't take this the wrong way, I am not rich not by far, more money will always be helpful.  I'm just saying we do not struggle. I just bought myself a fitbit flex and the fancy wifi scales that come along with it.  I didn't need this I wanted it. I bought it for myself so that I can see my results, so its easier for me to track my weight and activity.  It even tracks my sleeping patterns.  I must say its impressive and I set it all up today.  So why is today such a "horrible" day?  I have a $250 toy to play with.  It just is, and it turns out I'm sick!  High temps, stomach cramps, sweaty!  No wonder I'm feeling horrible.  

Life can be so busy sometimes and so full of putting my energy into my 3 children, my partner, choirs around the house, work, the gym and anything else life throws at me, that sometimes I forget to look after the most important cog in this ..... me.  Maybe if I take time out for myself I wouldn't feel so depleted of life, and actually be happy.  I see going to the gym as my time, and that it is but its not down time is it.  Maybe I need time away from all this, time to escape and let my mind, body and soul relax.  Yes that is what I need.